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psychological manipulation, cult groups, sects, and new religious movements

Cultic Studies Cult general Cults Questions & Answers Michael D. Langone, Ph.D. Full Text File 85K

How Can Parents and Others Help Cultists Voluntarily Reevaluate Their Cult Involvement?

Because cults discourage open and honest analysis of their beliefs and practices, parents and other concerned relatives or friends must exercise imagination and tact to help cultists voluntarily reevaluate a cult involvement.

The ultimate goal is to help cultists make an informed reevaluation of their cult involvement, that is, to help them carefully examine critical information which their group does not make available to members, and to talk calmly and at length about the reasons for and consequences of their commitment to the group. Helpers should try to avoid emotional harangues about theology, "brainwashing," the corruption of cult leaders, and the like. Such tactics squander opportunities to gather important information about the group and the cultist’s relationship to it. Furthermore, emotional attacks may be offensive and unwarranted if the person belongs to a benign group. And, in the case of bona fide cults, emotional attacks confirm cult stereotypes of the "satanic" outside world and raise fears of deprogramming, which may cause cultists to withdraw deeper into the group.

Helpers should try to be active listeners and should ask questions designed to open up the cultist’s mind. In being active listeners, helpers not only gather information, but also model the openness, rationality, and patience that cultists need to reevaluate their commitment to the group.

Helpers should:

• Stay calm and keep the lines of communication open. One cannot have any constructive influence without communication.
• Respectfully listen to cultists’ points of view. Inquire into their beliefs, feelings, and thoughts about life in the cult and outside the cult. Find out if they have doubts or unanswered questions about the group—but don’t pounce on them as soon as these are uncovered.
• Be patient.
• Be more inclined to calmly ask questions, rather then proffer opinions.
• Find out if they miss aspects of their old lives (friends, recreational activities, school, relatives, music, etc.) Open their minds to their own memories. . Find out what they believe and why.
• Question their beliefs or try to get them to question them, but do so in a calm, respectful manner so as not to push them into a defensive corner. Timing is critical.
• Calmly express your point of view, but don’t insist that they agree. Respect their right to disagree. Sometimes it is more effective simply to plant "thought seeds."
• Demonstrate one’s love and concern, but do not make this contingent upon agreement or obedience, for doing this will rightly be perceived as a bribe. Instead, show love and concern even when disagreement is substantial.
• When possible, neutralize anger by analyzing its source, for anger begets anger. But do not artificially stifle anger, for the cultist will most likely sense the insincerity inherent in stifling emotion. Instead, show the sorrow, pain, and anxiety which are usually the root causes of anger. . Let cultists know that their actions hurt or worry you, but simultaneously respect their right to do as they see fit, however manipulated they may seem to you.
• Communicate love and help the cultist reconnect to his old life by talking about old times and encouraging him to write, call, or visit relatives and old friends. Also, when appropriate, encourage relatives and friends to contact the cult member.

Patiently listening, expressing one’s love, and modeling calmness and rationality help create a climate of trust. If cultists trust a helper, they will be more willing to discuss their cult involvement, even, perhaps, with ex-members, exit counselors, or professionals knowledgeable about cults. Once this step is reached, an informed reevaluation of a cultist’s commitment to a group is much more easily achieved.

Unfortunately, following this advice doesn’t always produce the desired results. Sometimes the cult refuses to let members talk at length with parents or others from the "old world." Indeed, it is not uncommon for cults to send members to distant states of foreign countries without telling parents where they are. Sometimes cultists’ minds are so taken over by the cult’s world view that a rational dialogue is impossible. Sometimes the old world is so full of problems, pain, and insecurity for cultists that—no matter how unhappy they may be in the cult—they are too frightened even to consider returning to their old lives. Sometimes cultists may honestly and intelligently reevaluate their commitment to a group and decide to stay in it because they believe it is better for them. And sometimes achieving the requisite self-awareness and self-control is simply too demanding for parents and other helpers. Nevertheless, those who can successfully follow this path of sharing and reevaluation often discover that they have become closer to the cult-involved person than they ever dreamed possible.