Study Resources	cult general information
psychological manipulation, cult groups, sects, and new religious movements

Cultic Studies Cult general Cults Questions & Answers Michael D. Langone, Ph.D. Full Text File 85K

What Can Parents of Cultists Do?

There is much they can do, but all intelligent alternatives involve considerable uncertainty, anxiety, and effort.

Parents should realize that:

• there is hope for parents;
• not all "new" or unorthodox groups are cults (see "What is a cult?");
• troubling behavior in a young adult or adult child can sometimes have little or nothing to do with involvement in a cult or "new" movement;
• "rescuing" cultists or persuading them to leave a cult is not always possible or even advisable, because, for example, the group may provide a refuge for a psychologically disturbed person;
• a "recipe" for persuading a person to leave a cult does not exist - each case must be treated individually;
• hence, collecting valid information bearing on the group’s destructiveness to their child is vital.

After parents understand these points, they can then try to conduct - with professional assistance when appropriate - an informed, reasoned investigation of their possible courses of action, which include the following:

• accept a child’s involvement;
• persuade the child to make an informed reevaluation of his commitment to the group;
• set up a deprogramming "rescue";
• disown the child.

Although space permits only a superficial analysis, consider briefly each of these alternatives.

Alternative One: Acceptance. Parents may accept, even approve of a cult involvement because they respect their child’s autonomy and deem his group to be psychologically benign. If parents believe the group is destructive to their child, they may reluctantly accept his involvement because they are not able to pursue a course of action that would lead him to reevaluate. Such reluctant passivity can sometimes be very trying to parents, who may benefit from professional assistance designed to help them cope with the grief, anger, fear, and guilt that cultists’ parents often experience.

Alternative Two: Promote Voluntary, Informed Reevaluation. Parents who choose this alternative must;

1. devise an ethical strategy for maximizing their influence over the cultist and
2. develop the self-control and awareness needed for implementing, evaluating, and revising the strategy as needed. Although the former task is difficult, the latter is usually even more trying, as well as easier to neglect. Parents following this course are advised to seek help from a variety of resources, including other parents of cultists, ex-members, reading material, exit counselors, and professionals with expertise in this field. The American Family Foundation’s book, Cults: What Parents Should Know, explores this option in detail.

Alternative Three: "Rescue." Although many former members of cults have publicly supported deprogramming as a necessary means of freeing people from cult bondage, the procedure, as noted earlier, is legally and psychologically risky. One-third of deprogrammings fail, and often lead to parent-child estrangement, or even law suits. Furthermore, many individuals who leave cults after a deprogramming might have been persuaded to leave voluntarily, without the risks inherent in a "rescue." Therefore, the American Family Foundation does not recommend involuntary deprogramming.

Alternative Four: Disown Child. Some parents who cannot persuade their child to leave a destructive group are psychologically unable to make the best of a bad situation. They may feel a strong impulse to "disown" their child, to shut him out of their lives completely. Disowning a child is a form of "blocking out" an unpleasant reality. Although many persons are able to function adequately while denying "bits" of reality, the depth of the parent-child bond makes this alternative impossible to follow without paying a severe and emotional penalty, even when disconnection seems less distressing than intense, continuous, and unresolvable family conflict. Hence, parents who seriously consider this alternative are advised to seek professional assistance.